Monday, December 11, 2006 . 7:35 AM
I am just wondering whether it is a blessing that I’m able to work during this Dec holiday since some of my friends are hoping for a job but are unable to find one. Actually, I don’t felt like going back to help my boss cos just wanna hope to enjoy this short school holiday and because of the job, I cannot go out with my friends. So sad!
Have been setting a goal to go jogging early in the morning but because of my laziness, I just continue to sleep even my alarm rang at 6am. Haiz… this school holiday has ready accumulate my laziness level. Sijia… come on lah!!! You better stop this slacking attitude!
“Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.
He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son,
But he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.”
Proverb 10:4:5
I neither want to be poor nor be a disgraceful son!!! Come on, Jiayou! Jiayou! Better wake up early tomorrow for a fresh morning jog before going to work. Talking about work, don’t like it when my boss ask me to call his client. Why? Cos I need to chase after them for not paying their premium!!! And normally I will get back complains and scolding from all these clients. Hey, it’s them that didn’t pay the premium, still dare to complain… (*^*)
One disappointing new. My tuition family cannot make it for the MOL this Saturday. So sad! Really hope to see them there but no choice. Anyway, looking forward to the MOL cos I will be bringing my Mum along. Treat her to the premium seat as her Christmas present seating at the 9th row from the front. I am praying hard that she will be able to get to know God more after this MOL. I had a weird dream yesterday. I dreamt that my mum was angry with me for being a Christian and she even throws away my two bibles. I tried to stop her but couldn’t. I keep on crying but she still ignores me and even throws away my precious bible that Michelle had given me. The dream was so real that when I woke up in the morning, I quickly make sure that my bible is still with me. Hee… Perhaps, I’m too fearful of my parents.
Saturday, December 9, 2006 . 8:54 AM
To me, I always find ways to improve in myself and feel that I can leave all my bad characters behind and becoming a more perfect person. I’m a girl who is very ambitious in term of trying to achieve what others have that I do not have. This actually lead me to even want to achieve more and feeling that I am capable of changing oneself to be so perfect in other people view.
But thanks God for making me reflect on my negative side of the character. After my encounter camp, I ask God this question, “How can’t I’m not able to experience you much in the encounter camp? Is there something that is lacking in me that disenable me to draw nearer to you?” To my surprise, I found out the answer a few days later when I’m having my quiet time with God.
God did not answer my question directly but instead it made me reflect back on certain points that I have neglected in myself. The questions that popped up in my mind at that moment is, “Do you think you have change in term of your own capability or by the power of God?” and “Are you working a way out for God or is God working a way out for you?” This indeed took me some times to reflect on.
People often feel that they are so capable of doing everything and when there’s changes and improvement, they get so proud that they feel that it is their own power that leads them to it. This makes me realize that the changes in me are not just because I think I’m so good but it’s by the power of God. If I didn’t receive Christ two months ago, will I be able to kick off some of my bad habits? The answer is no. This teaches me to be more humble. I began to ask myself again, “So why are you seeking God so desperately and what is your purpose?” and this had indeed make me felt a sense of guilt that did I seek God just because all my church friends are doing so and I feel that I should be like them. Perhaps God wanted me to answer this question true fully to myself. I came to realize that I am actually setting a way out for God to achieve what I want instead of following the way God has set out for me. This had definitely made me learn a precious lesson on myself and make me realize that there’s more that I need to learn about.
I came across this message while reading the book on “Reaching for the invisible God” by Philip Yancey.
“Those who say that they believe in God and yet neither love nor fear him do not in fact believe in him but in those who have taught them that God exists. Those who believe that they believe in God, but without any passion in their heart, any anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God-idea, not in God”
– Miguel De Unamuno
So do you love or fear God? For me, I choose to love him and I’m working hard to seek and know more about him during my Dec holiday and I believe that through him, God will make me grow up more…
And I thanks God for blessing me with a wonderful spiritual family. I love my Ah ma, Julee and all my loving sisters. It’s them that make me learn more about this Christianity journey and I am confident that I will continue to live in faith with God each and every day.
Friday, December 8, 2006 . 7:16 AM
“Drawing near to God” – yap, that’s what everyone is aiming for. To me, drawing near to God seems not an easy thing. This relationship with a God we can’t see, hear, or touch – how does it really work? How can I know God?
“How do I relate to a God who is invisible when I’m never quite sure he’s there?”
– Philip Yancery
These are the questions that have always been pondering me since the first day I step into FCBC. Faith is the keyword that my spiritual family has been telling me – to live in faith with God. They share with me their testimonies on how they experience God and they said that you will see God face to face when you go for the encounter camp. And yes, finally my encounter camp is here and I’m all ready to experience this “Seeing God Face to Face experience” from this camp as well as to find out more about God.
Alvin told me that I was lucky to go for this encounter camp even only after my short two month from receiving Christ. If I miss this encounter camp, I will have to wait for the next year. What is the feeling before I go to this Encounter Camp? Yah... I bring along a curious, exciting as well as a fear of disappointment heart to this camp.
Fear of Disappointment? What is there to fear about? I fear that I will not be able to relate to God and will not even be able to fill my thirst for God and the faith in God.
My guide for this Encounter is Joy who is indeed a wonderful and friendly guide. It was held at the Girl Brigade Quarter from the 1st Dec to 3rd Dec. And this encounter has allow God to reveal to me more of the negative side of myself – self reflection.
What do I means by self-reflection?
Throughout the 3 days at the encounter camp, the most unforgettable session to me is the session on the “Father’s Love”. It was the only session that allows me to experience the presence of God drawing so near to me. Our pastor for that session is Pastor Debra. I could still remember that it was the period whereby she asks our guide to give us a fatherly hug that I experience the presence of the God. At first, I felt nothing when Joy gave me the hug. To me, I only felt that yah this is the way a Father would hug his children. But as she continues to pray for me during the “hugging” session, I suddenly feel that the person who was hugging me is my lord father. Every single word that she say to me strongly impact in my heart that it was the lord father who is speaking to me. I could still remembered clearly that the lord father told me to be patience but I was not quite sure why? Anyway, I felt so strongly touch by the lord father that my tears just automatically flow down my face. (Sorry Joy for wetting your Jacket… hee).
However, it was normally after the session whereby we were having our rest that a lot of self-reflections fall upon me. Especially during the night whereby we need to confess our sin on the sin list to be pinned on the cross the following night. The word on the sin list, “Jealousy” and “Impatience” just seem to be waving to me to tick them and of cause I ticked them.
In fact, I feel that I learned more after this encounter camp when I’m having my quiet time with God. Yawn…. I’m feeling so tire now… think I will continue on my next blog what are the self-reflections for me that God has teach me…(*_*)